If only to break our hearts
by Thatemilykid
Summary: Helena's been gone a while and Myka finally snaps. She does the one thing that she knows will hurt Helena, the regents and Herself. Not taking into account 4.05/4.06
1. Chapter 1

It was easy enough to do. She wasn't an unattractive woman. In fact, she'd been told on several separate occasions by quite a few different people that she was pretty; beautiful even. So yes, it was easy enough to do.

The timing wasn't particularly brilliant, but then again, she wasn't particularly thinking about the timing. She had been thinking about Tequila shots, and whether or not she should have worn heels, and if she should have told somebody where she was going instead of just 'out', and she was thinking about her life.

Or rather, the life she was never going to have. Not now. There had been an underlying air of hope and possibility before, with the pokeball...sphere...bane of her existence. Both their existences if she were to be completely honest. Not able to touch, and never alone. The anger had dissipated though, the last case they had worked together. The disappointment, and sadness that Helena couldn't bear in Myka's eyes, was still there but the anger was gone then. And that was a long time ago now, almost a year.

But now. Now there was nothing. No sphere, no mentions, no file access. That was something she had had Claudia look into almost immediately. Everything, anything she could think of that could possibly be cross referenced and related to HG Wells was checked. Nothing came up. If Claudia couldn't find it, it truly didn't exist.

After a few weeks, the fear, and the sadness turned into anger. Mostly towards the regents, a little towards herself. That's when it happened. Helena had been gone almost four weeks and there had been no mention of her whatsoever. She and Claudia had been out together and a woman had body checked her. Body checked her, smiled, and winked. Myka felt momentarily flattered and then the anger had reared its head and she felt ill. The woman looked nothing like her Helena but she had winked, and Helena had winked at her. It was as if a floodgate had been opened, and Myka had prepared herself for tears, but instead, she just wanted everything that was as opposite to HG Wells as it was possible to be.

Everything that Helena...no, HG, she needed to be HG again now, had loved about her needed to be gone, only if for one night, she had to be someone that HG would not want. Because if she could be the anti-Myka, then for a night, she might not still be in love with Helena.

So in a bar, the only bar in Univille she was sitting watching the game, drinking Tequila, scolding herself every time she caught a woman's eye instead of a man's, every time she thought 'i should go home', every time she did anything that she was comfortable with. She downed her current tequila shot and as she was opening her mouth to ask for another, a man's voice beat her to it.

"Do you mind?" He asked her after he had already paid for her shot.

YES! Myka wanted to scream, yes I fucking mind, but she didn't say that. She smiled at him, and shook her head. Clinked her shot glass on his and swallowed the liquid. She watched him as he did the same. He pulled a face as it burnt his throat, clearly his first shot of the night...probably his first shot in a while, Myka was observing again. She closed her eyes to make it stop and when she opened them again he was looking at her, not with concern in his eyes, but lust. Myka knew then, that her plan would work. In some way she felt that sleeping with this guy, would be getting back at HG for leaving, doing something reckless would be getting back at the regents because she was their 'perfect agent', and it was getting back at herself for being stupid enough to fall in love with HG Wells in the first place.

"Another?" Myka asked this time, and the man, whose name she hadn't asked, and he hadn't offered and she didn't really want to know right now anyway because what if it began with an H, or and S? That was a little too close for comfort, and she'd have to restart the whole plan.

"Yeah." He nodded and signalled the bartender. "Joe." He said clearly meaning himself.

"Myka." There was no point in lying about her name. She was lying about everything else, she needed her name for it to still feel real.

There were more tequila shots, and lights got brighter, and sounds got duller, and feelings stopped feeling so much. It was getting late. Myka was laughing at something that Joe had said...she couldn't remember what, and that made her laugh even harder, she had an eidetic memory and she couldn't remember. He asked her what was so funny and she contemplated explaining it to him, and instead she kissed him. He didn't hesitate, just kissed her back, and in the back of her mind, she knew it wasn't a fantastic kiss, there wasn't fantastic chemistry between them. Had she been Myka-proper she would have dismissed him with half a glance, but now...now she wanted the one thing that Helena would hate her for.

Helena had been with a lot of people. 'Many' was the term she used. Myka took that to mean more than she cared to elaborate upon, more than Myka, more than Pete probably. But Helena was picky. They were only the smartest of men, and the most beautiful, most unattainable of women. The men were easy for Helena, their wives were unappreciative of their creative madness, and Helena thrived on it. The women were a puzzle, a...a game of sorts but one that she enjoyed winning fairly. She would never be underhanded or deceitful with a woman. After all there was a reason that Charles had supported the suffragettes.

Myka stopped kissing Joe so that she could breathe. To let herself quickly gather the reasons she was doing this. She imagined that Helena – HG, Dammit! – were in the bar, could see them together, or that she was waiting for her at home and that she would know. That she was doing this to hurt them. Hurt the regents, hurt her (now non-existent) relationship with Helena, hurt Helena. Hurt herself.

Joe had barely finished asking her if she wanted to go back to his place before she grabbing onto his arm and breathing 'yes' into his ear.


	2. Chapter 2

Myka Bering was a patient person. Or at least, she had been when she'd sat down in the waiting room. Forty minutes ago. It was now half an hour past her appointment time, and she knew that Artie was going to be mad when she got back. Apparently _'I'm just feeling a bit...off my game'_ wasn't the best reason to take off in the middle of the day to go to the doctor. She was _not _telling Artie that she'd gone in a couple of weeks ago to have a blood test and that Leena had covered for her.

She was fine really. Nothing to really cause concern, she just didn't feel...right. Not depressed-not-right, just...not right, and the fact that she couldn't figure it out was bothering her the most. Her symptoms were things that could easily be explained away by her job. Headaches, nausea, general aches and pains, although the aches and pains had been taking her a little longer than usual to get over. She was probably just in serious need of a vacation...did warehouse agents even _get _vacations? Besides Christmas and the occasional family related weekend leave, she couldn't remember anyone having time off. It was ridiculous. She'd already been there forty minutes, another five and she was leaving. All she needed were the results of a blood test. If they asked she'd tell them that she was just over tired, needed to take a vitamin supplement, eat more fruit...or something.

She was getting up when the doctor appeared and called her name. She fought with herself not to roll her eyes, and followed the woman into her office.

Myka sat in the car, in the drive way outside the bed and breakfast. She had been waiting for a song to finish, but it finished and she still hadn't gotten out of the car. It wasn't good. She needed to move. She knew she needed to move, to get out of the car, and go into the house, and go to her room and...what? Myka was a logical person, she was an observer, she knew how other people dealt with news like that...but...how was she supposed to deal with it? She found herself wishing, not for the first time, that HG was back. She hadn't been thinking that as much since she'd stopped getting wasted every other night.

Pete had put a stop to that. He'd driven to a bar and forcibly removed her. Locked her in the car with him and parked on the side of a deserted road and said nothing. He'd just sat there and looked at her; looked at her until she had broken. She was so angry at him, she had yelled and threatened to break the window in the car to get out. He sat there and took it, said 'I'm sure you could' in regards to the window. She hadn't said anything for a long time after that and then he'd said 'are you done?' And that had so many different connotations. Herself, her job, her life, her and Helena, Helena, the warehouse, the universe. She had opened her mouth to shout some more and no sound had come out. The tears came then. Pete had still said nothing, just held her hand, and then her as the tears took more and more energy from her giving nothing back. He drove them home, told Artie that she needed to take the next day off and given her his secret stash of cookies. Kissed her forehead and said 'get some sleep Mykes,'.

Now though, she wished HG was here. She wished she could go into the kitchen and find her sitting there drinking tea, or talking about the differences between the movie versions of her books that Claudia had insisted she see. She could maybe help her...or she could distract her with a story from Warehouse 12, or a discussion on one of their favourite (or least favourite) authors. But no, she would have to go into the house, smile politely, say that everything was fine, use one of her earlier lines that she was over-tired or needed a vitamin supplement, and excuse herself to her room. And not look Leena in the eyes.

She sighed, she was being ridiculous, they wouldn't even care. She got out of the car and walked inside.  
Nobody was home.  
"Myka?" apparently Leena was home.

"Hey, yeah, it's just me, I'm just gonna head up to my room."

"What did the doctor say?"

"Huh? Oh, I just need a vitamin supplement..." She trailed off as Leena looked at her, "Or two..."

Leena's face gave her away, she knew what was going on. Her brows furrowed and then raised slightly, but she smiled kindly and said

"Okay Myka. I can get them for you if you give me a list." And let Myka go up to her room.

Myka was pacing. Window...door...window...door...she flopped down on the bed and rested her hands on her chest. She felt her heartbeat...a little fast. She breathed out slowly and wasn't prepared for, though was not surprised by the lump that began to form in her throat.

"This is not how it's supposed to go" she whispered to herself.

She bit her tongue hard and savoured the momentary distraction. She still didn't know how to deal with it. Pete, Artie and Claudia had come back a little while ago. Pete had poked his head past the doorway to check in on her. She'd told him everything was fine, and he'd looked at her slightly strangely.  
"did you just have a vibe about me?" She asked him

"Huh? No...maybe...I...You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah Pete, one hundred percent healthy. You wanna go get Steve to check if I'm lying?"

"No...no. Guess I'm just hungry. You want dinner?"

"Not so much. I'm pretty beat. I think i'm just gonna crawl into bed and call it a night."

"Okay, night Myka."

He'd closed the door properly and she'd started pacing. She technically hadn't lied to Pete. Technically, she was completely healthy. There's was nothing medically _wrong_ with her.  
She wanted to tell him. But she wanted to tell him in the same way that he had wanted to tell him about her and Helena...HG! She still needed to not think of her as Helena. It had been nearly three months now but it still wasn't any easier. She wanted to tell Pete, but she wanted to tell him, and have his reaction, and then have him forget that they had talked. Physical time travel is an impossibility involuntarily rang through her mind with a crisp, lilting accent. She sighed loudly and felt a couple of hot tears run from the corners of her eyes into her hair.

This was not how it was supposed to go. Not that anything that had happened since she had joined the warehouse had gone to plan. She'd been trapped in a mirror, nearly blown up, been magnetically affixed to a ceiling, switched bodies with Pete, fallen completely, hopelessly in love, been betrayed within an inch of her life, and turned into a zombie. In all honesty, maybe she should just be grateful that an artefact wasn't responsible for her being pregnant.


	3. Chapter 3

"_His mother put him to bed, and made some camomile tea; and she gave a dose of it to Peter! "One table-spoonful to be taken at bedtime." But Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cotton-tail had bread and milk and blackberries for supper.__"_

The baby moved and Myka smiled. It was so different now. The first time her child had moved she had completely freaked out. That was the first time it felt real. The first time she truly _felt_ pregnant. The morning sickness hadn't been too bad. With the amount of drinking she had been doing before finding out, nobody said anything, they were sort of used to it. Of that, Myka was ashamed. But when she felt the baby move...that felt real, and that was when she had told Pete.

He had panicked. If Myka was off her game then he was screwed. She had doubled over in what he thought must have been pain. When she looked up at him she had tears in her eyes. He had grabbed her arm and she had flung herself at him. She whispered the words into his ear and he just held her tighter. When they got back to the b&b she told the others and while Claudia and Artie (and Mrs. Frederic) had been surprised, nobody was judgemental. They all knew what she had gone through. They all knew how far this was from her plan. They all had hugged her (except for Mrs. F, although she had offered a knowing look, a look only a mother could have given).

Myka put the book on the table and pressed the palm of her hand against her now obvious belly. A little kick.  
"Someday, you'll have read all of these, little one." A harder kick. That made her chuckle, it – although she had an inkling it was going to be a 'she' – was clearly like its mother. Myka had been reading all of her childhood favourites aloud for the baby to hear.  
Well, almost all. She had not touched the HG Wells section of her library, nor was she likely to.  
Six months with no word from her. Mrs Frederic had taken pity on Myka and let slip that she was alive, but somehow that had made it worse. When there was nothing, Myka could let herself believe, for short bursts of time, that HG was back in the bronze, or some other form of janus coin. Knowing that she was still alive, and had made no contact, or was allowed no contact, hurt more.

Myka wondered if one day she would tell her child about the real HG Wells. If perhaps one day her son or daughter would be reading her copy of The Invisible Man or The Modern Utopia and would mention a particular line, or passage and Myka would laugh and accidentally say something like "That's exactly what she said," or "God, she would have loved you" and then they would have to talk about it. About her. About the woman who would have been the child's other mother. About the woman who was practically responsible for her child's existence.

Had it not been for Helena's disappearance she would never have gotten drunk, and slept with Joe. She wouldn't be having to deal with any of this. All she'd have to deal with was Helena's insatiable appetite for her, and being mercilessly teased and praised by Pete. If HG hadn't have left she would never even have gotten pregnant. The baby chose that moment to move and Myka suddenly realised the actual implications of what she was thinking. She would never have been pregnant. She would never have felt her child moving inside of her. She wouldn't have spent the afternoon reading Peter Rabbit to it and making up silly voices for all the characters and pausing to make comments every time the baby moved.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered placing a hand on either side of her belly. "I'm sorry. I wouldn't give you up for anything, okay?" Myka settled herself better in the chair and started thinking about names again. She wouldn't admit it, but she was waiting to say one out loud and have the baby kick her.

"Hey Mykes!" Pete was calling her. "Myka! You need to get down here!"

Myka put all her effort into getting out of the chair. When she was up and steady she walked out of her room and down the stairs.

"Pete, what..." She stopped.

Helena was standing in the middle of the living room, still being half held onto by Claudia. Myka's eyes began to tear up a little, and Helena's eyes roved over her and settled on her clearly pregnant belly.

"Righty-ho then." Helena said flatly. She let go of Claudia's arm and walked out of the building.

"Helena." Myka whispered as she heard the door slam.

The baby kicked her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you so much to everyone that read this, reviewed it, harassed me about it on tumblr. And I apologise for this:**

Nobody moved. Everything seemed to Myka, to be going in slow motion and then very suddenly everybody was moving around her. Claudia was running to the door calling to HG, Artie and Leena were converging on each other and Pete was standing in front of her.

"Myka? You okay?"

"I...uh...what?" Myka stared at him with big eyes, bewildered.

Claudia came back into the fray, saying that HG was gone, and asking if she should go after her.

"She came back?" Myka asked quietly, she unconsciously placed her palms against her belly and all four bodies moved toward her to help her sit down.

"Myka, do you need anything?" Leena asked, she could see the stress in Myka's aura and that wasn't good for the baby.

"nuh...just...what was she doing here?" Myka asked

"She's back." Pete said, "If we want her back."

"If you want her back" Artie clarified.

Myka's eyes grew and they filled with tears. The main thing she hated about being pregnant, she could not control her tears. Myka nodded as they began to fall.

"Alright, I'm going after her." Claudia stood up and held her hand out to Pete for the keys.

"No!" Myka yelled. "no. It has to be me."

Claudia was going to protest, but it made sense. They all could go to Helena and ask her, tell her to come back, she would only listen to Myka.

"Alright. I'll find her, then, and you guys can go after her." Claudia pointed at Pete and Myka before grabbing her laptop and launching herself into the armchair not occupied by Myka.

It didn't take long for Claudia to track HG down. She was their miniature genius after all.

Myka sat in the car with Pete as they sped down the highway, both of them wanting to get to the other woman as fast as possible.

When they parked in the hotel car park, Pete got out and helped Myka down from the SUV. Pete flashed his badge, and Myka asked for Edward Prendick. The first pseudonym Myka had met Helena under, was likely to be the one she was using now, thinking it would be the last. They rode the elevator and walked the little way down the corridor.

Pete knocked on the door and Myka stood behind him biting on her bottom lip.  
Helena opened the door and her eyes simultaneously lit up and then darkened as she saw Myka, and was reminded of the baby.  
"Well, I suppose you had better come in," She sighed, "It wouldn't do to have a lady in Myka's condition standing in a corridor for what I imagine will be a lengthy period of time."  
She moved aside and Pete and Myka walked into the hotel room.

"I assume you have come to persuade me to come back?" Helena asked in a tone usually reserved for a headmistress speaking to a child, "And to explain Myka's..." She took a deep breath, "_pregnancy_," the distaste in her voice was almost palpable.

"HG...it's...well...yeah, we want you back." Pete stumbled over his words.  
Myka sat down and just stared at Helena. She couldn't quite believe that any of this was happening. It was one thing to miss Helena, it was one thing to imagine telling Helena about the baby, have Helena know about it and give her advice. It was something entirely different to have Helena looking at her stomach like she was incredibly ill.

"I see." Helena said, before looking at Myka's face for the first time, "And you Myka? Are you included in the 'we' that wants me back?"

"Yes." Myka said before she had even realised her mouth was open. "You should come back. To the warehouse...to me."

Helena scoffed a little at that. She was practically glaring at them both. Myka suddenly had a horrible thought,

"Pete's not the father." She said, and something in Helena's eyes seemed to soften a little. As much as it bothered Helena to know that Myka was pregnant to some other nameless, faceless man, it was somehow better that the child wasn't Pete's.

"Alright." Helena said, simply taking in the information. Part of her knowing she was lucky to get any sort of explanation from Myka.

Myka stood slowly, and motioned at Pete to get out of the room and leave them for a little while. He made no excuse, he knew HG had seen the look and the gesture. He left them alone, and Myka moved close enough to take Helena's hand in her own.

"I missed you." Myka said

"I missed you too Myka..."

"What?" Myka asked, "The baby?"

Helena squeezed Myka's hand. She knew this had been coming. She had known since the minute she had laid eyes on Helena in the b&b that now she was back, she would have to tell Helena...something to explain herself. She chose the truth. Better to start (re-start, try to re-start) things on an ugly truth than a slightly less ugly lie.

Myka took a deep breath, and moved to stand in front of Helena.

"Helena, I love you. Just you. And the baby...my baby. Will you please just come back with us?"

Helena smiled sadly and placed a hand in Myka's,

"Myka, I love you...but I don't want any more children."


	5. Chapter 5

As soon as they walked through the door Claudia pounced.

"Where's HG? What happened? Did you guys make up?"

Myka said nothing, just brushed past everybody and left Pete to do the explaining.

"What happened? How'd it go?" Claudia asked Pete again when Myka was out of earshot.

"Not well." Pete said, staring after Myka.

Up in her room, Myka took a deep breath waiting for the tears. The one time she would've been okay with them, they refused to come. Typical.

"I don't want any more children." That was what she had said. So...if she wasn't pregnant...if she wasn't pregnant she'd have come back. That thought rolled around Myka's brain again and again.  
She wasn't coming back. Helena, her Helena wasn't coming back...and it was all her fault. If she had have dealt with her feelings like a normal person. Hell, if she'd have dealt with her feelings like herself, then she'd be lying on her bed with Helena now, instead of alone.

The baby kicked her. Hard. Myka gasped. She was a horrible person. She had just all but wished she wasn't pregnant. And for what? A woman. But Helena wasn't just a woman, Helena was so much more than that. Helena was her...helena was as much her heart as her child was.

Myka had to admit. This scenario hadn't crossed her mind. Helena not wanting children, not coming back, not being with Myka because of the baby, hadn't, not once, crossed her mind. She just assumed that because of Christina she would want more children. She never thought that because of Christina she would be too...afraid, she was scared! She was scared that the same thing would happen again. She needed to go to her. She needed to go and find Helena and tell her that her baby...the baby that could...would be their baby, it wouldn't be the same as Christina.

Downstairs, Claudia had come to the same conclusion.

"Pete...do you think she's not coming back because of the baby?" She asked

"What?" Pete was flicking his fingers against the edge of the table.

"Well...because her daughter died...do you think maybe...it's because Myka's pregnant?"

Pete slumped into his chair as he let the realisation wash over him.

"yeah." He said flatly. "yeah I do."

Claudia let her head fall into her hands and she sighed heavily.

Myka walked over to her chest of drawers. She knelt on the floor and opened the bottom drawer. On the top, was a shirt. Inside a sealed plastic bag. She pulled off the tee shirt that she was wearing and tore open the bag. She pressed her face into the shirt, and breathed in deeply, her heart thundered and her baby kicked. Helena.  
Myka was once again grateful for Helena's choice of oversized men's shirts. She couldn't do up the buttons but she pulled on the shirt and let Helena's scent overwhelm her. Now the tears came.  
She had worn that shirt, Helena had worn that shirt, when Claudia and Pete found out about them. Myka was trying to explain something and Helena had scoffed and rolled her eyes. Myka had mocked her, done the same and Helena's smile had broken into a grin. She had laughed and pulled Myka into her own body and kissed her. In the middle of the kitchen. Oblivious and uncaring to anyone else who might have been present. That was when Myka had known that she loved Helena and Helena loved her back. She had told her so that night and Helena had laughed, and kissed her still smiling, and replied, good. I've been in love with you since California. It had been a perfect night.

When was the last time that Helena had kissed her? When was that last time that she had kissed Helena for that matter? They had kissed...after Helena had beaten the chess game in Hong Kong so that they could reopen the portal.

"Just in case," Myka had said, and kissed her,

"Hoping not though." Helena had said

That was the last time they had kissed. Myka should have kissed her before she had left her in her hotel room. That should have been their last kiss. If this was it...if they were done now, then their last kiss should not be a hasty, 'just in case we die' kiss. It should be a kiss that says 'I will always love you' and 'I am sorry that I have hurt you' and 'I wish this wasn't our last' and 'please, please change your mind'. Myka grabbed onto the drawers and pulled herself up.

She appeared seemingly out of nowhere, and cleared her throat to gain their attention. Pete and Claudia looked up at her.

"I need to see her again." Pete didn't ask if she was sure, didn't ask why, didn't even hesitate. He stood up and walked out to the car.  
Claudia mouthed 'good luck' to her, and then Myka left.


	6. Chapter 6

Pete stayed in the car this time. Myka went up to Helena's room and knocked on the door. She waited and heard a little movement.

"Who is it?" Helena's voice was muffled, like she was far away or had a hand over her mouth

"It's Myka," Myka took a deep breath and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

"Helena, please let me in." Myka heard footsteps come toward the door.

The door opened and Myka took in Helena's appearance. She had changed since Myka and Pete had been to see her. She was in less formal clothing now. Soft pants and a simple low cut – always low cut – tee shirt. And her hair was pulled back. Helena saw that Myka was wearing one of her shirts and felt her heart jump a little. She forced herself to calm down. It may just have been that because of her penchant for larger shirts, it just fit better. It didn't necessarily mean that she was wearing it for a reason.  
'_Hey Helena? She already told you she still loves you. Pull yourself together woman!'_ Her mind scolded her for her ridiculousness.

Myka cleared her throat. Helena had opened the door, but then had not moved from the doorway to allow Myka entrance. Myka wondered why she had changed clothes. Why her hair was pulled back. Just into a loose ponytail at the base of her neck but Myka had never seen it like that. She thought she looked beautiful. She told her so and Helena couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. Myka looked up to Helena's eyes. They were a little pink. That was the odd thing about Helena's eyes. Even when she'd been crying for hours she could somehow still school her features into looking just a little tired.

"Sorry," Helena mumbled and moved out of the way to let Myka in.

They walked through the room and sat at the table opposite each other.

"Would you like something to drink?" Helena asked, knowing that she was stalling.

Myka knew she was stalling; she shook her head no, and took another deep breath. Helena began wringing her hands, not entirely sure what to do with them. Or any other part of her body for that matter. She wanted to take Myka in her arms, kiss her and hold her and make love to her but every time she thought of that she remembered Myka's current physical state and her hopes were dashed. _'But she told you she still loves you. She still wants you.' _Her brain was screaming at her. It didn't make any difference. Myka would have a child, and that was the last thing Helena wanted to be around. But it was also the second thing that she desired most, the first being Myka. She wanted desperately to have another chance at motherhood. Even if the child was not truly hers.

"I know you're scared." Myka said softly.  
Helena jerked her head up and met Myka's eyes, smiling at her sadly. Of course Myka knew how she felt. Of course Myka would have figured it out.  
"It doesn't change anything." Helena said quietly, because it didn't. Not really. Just because Myka knew that she was scared, even if Myka understood it completely, she still couldn't make that kind of commitment, and she refused to do that to either of them. Any of them. Myka, the child or herself. She would not put any of them in the way of the possibility of her madness returning.

Myka knew then that there was no use in arguing with Helena. That nothing would change her mind now. Still, it didn't stop her from trying.

"It won't happen again." Myka meant Christina, and Helena's reactions.

"It might." And Helena knew that's what Myka meant.

"I won't let it."

"Like I had planned not to?"

"Helena, please..."

"Myka I'm sorry. But it is for the best. I think you know that, don't you?"

"I choose not to believe that." Myka said standing, and motioning for Helena to do the same.

Myka was determined to change Helena's mind. Even if it wasn't right at this second, she wanted to leave her with something that she hoped, if she knew Helena as well as she thought she did, would stick in her mind and eventually change it.  
Myka took Helena's hands in her own and as she talked to her, softly pressed them against her belly.

"Do you remember our last kiss? In Hong Kong after you'd gotten out of the chess lock? And I said, 'Just in case', and you said 'hoping not'. That's a terrible last kiss to have with somebody. Helena, I love you."

Myka leaned in and pressed her lips against Helena's and she smiled into the kiss as she felt the baby begin to kick over, and over, and she felt the surprise and slight smile settle on Helena's face. When Myka pulled back and broke the kiss she noticed that Helena's hands were still exactly where she had placed them.

"I should go. Pete's waiting for me."

Helena swallowed thickly and it took more effort than she would like to admit to take her hands off of Myka. Helena nodded and searched for something more to say that wasn't just 'I'm sorry' because no matter how many times she said that, she knew it would not heal Myka's heart.

"You know you can always come back. We'll always be waiting for you" Myka said as she left.

And Helena knew that she was talking about herself, and her baby.


	7. Chapter 7

Helena lay in bed going over and over what Myka had said.

"We'll always be waiting for you."

She and her baby, they would always be waiting for Helena. Helena was the only person that Myka would every truly let see into her soul. And vice versa. That's why Myka knew that Helena's fears weren't just about Christina's history repeating itself. Though that thought terrified her, more than she was proud to admit. The thought of loving another child only to have the worst happen. That thought though led on to thoughts of her own, or god-forbid Myka's death. What if something were to happen to them both, and that poor defenceless little child would be left minus both its parents.

Well, not really. Because the child had a father. A man who Myka had gotten drunk with and slept with and gotten pregnant by and – from what Helena could gather – had not told and had no plans to do so. A man with whom, Myka had done all those things with because she, Helena, had not been there. Though the majority of that situation was not her fault – the length of the time away from her Myka at the very least had not been her doing – she couldn't help but feel that the situation were somehow her fault. And not in a good way.

God she loved Myka. She loved Myka more than she could ever remember loving anyone, besides Christina. All she really needed was Myka. Helena gasped audibly, _all she really needed was Myka. _Something inside her clicked. A calm washed over her at the revelation. The fear about her feelings for Myka was diminished...not gone, per se, but unimportant.  
Perhaps a baby wasn't the end of them. Helena, took a deep breath and let herself think the most terrifying thought of all, perhaps, this baby...was their new beginning.

It was late before Pete went to bed. He'd stayed up later than the others. There was a Bruce Campbell marathon on TV. As he walked up the stairs he noticed that Myka's light was still on. He checked his watch. It was almost two thirty. He really hoped she wasn't still up, she'd probably just fallen asleep reading again. He knocked lightly on the door not wanting to wake her if she was sleeping.

"Mykes? You decent?"

"Pete?" her voice was shaky. Pete panicked. The only time he'd heard her that shaky was after HG. He opened the door and stopped two feet inside the room. She was lying on the bed, clutching at her stomach, crying.  
Pete kneeled in front of her face. The look on her face killed him. She wasn't just hurting she was...in pain. She grabbed his hand hard. Now he was in pain.

"Pete." Myka breathed "Call Vanessa."

Pete felt his eyes widen.

"The baby?" He asked, Myka bit her lip hard, and squeezed his hand harder.

Pete could run fast when he needed to. Myka always beat him in their training sessions, but when it was necessary, when it was for Myka, he was fast. He was downstairs, hand in Artie's bag hoping that nothing stabbed or bit him, foraging for his Farnsworth. Artie's was the only one with a direct line to Vanessa, something that at this moment, Pete didn't appreciate.  
Whilst Pete was waiting for Vanessa to answer, Leena walked in on him. Apparently his running and searching hadn't been particularly quiet. Not that he particularly cared.

"Pete? What's going on?" Leena asked.

"Myka. The baby. I don't know. Something's wrong."

"You're calling Vanessa?' Pete nodded, "I'll get the others."

"Hello?" Vanessa answered, slightly bewildered when it was Pete's face, not Artie's.

"Vanessa, hey, It's Pete."

"Hello Pete. Can I help you with something?"

"It's Myka."

"The baby?" Vanessa asked. Pete could tell that she was moving around wherever she was, "I'm on my way, I'll be about an hour. I'm not far."

"Thanks." Pete flipped the Farnsworth closed and ran back upstairs.

Leena was assumedly still trying to wake Artie. Claudia was lying on Myka's bed behind her, rubbing her back and trying to calm her down.

"Vanessa's on her way, she'll be about an hour."

"pete." Claudia looked at him and shook her head a little, 'not good' she mouthed looking at Myka.

Pete walked forwards and Scooped Myka up into his arms. Even eight months pregnant she still didn't weigh all that much. He walked her downstairs and deposited her on the couch, so they all could wait for Vanessa together.


	8. Chapter 8

Vanessa had ushered them all into the kitchen upon her arrival so that she could speak with and examine Myka in privacy. Or at least, as much privacy as it was possible to have with five sets of eyes boring holes through the wall, and ears pressed against said wall hoping to catch a snippet of the conversation before Vanessa returned.

When she did, they all knew it was not good news before she opened her mouth. The doctor looked concerned and for once, was not hiding it well. Artie held her hand as she spoke.

"She's in pre-term labour. I need to get her to a hospital. Now." Vanessa looked at Pete, "I need you to talk to her before we sedate her."

"Sedate her?" Claudia cried. Steve and Leena each grabbed onto one of her hands,

"She isn't strong enough to do this by herself, I'm going to get her into surgery as soon as I can."

"What...uh...what, what do you need me to talk to her about?" Pete asked trying to focus on his immediate surroundings, not the 'what ifs' regarding Myka and the baby currently floating around his head.

"Pete, I need you to ask her what she wants to do...If something should happen..." Vanessa trailed off, hoping that Pete would understand. He didn't. He just looked around the room even more bewildered than before.

"Pete, if something happens to her, what she wants to do about the baby. Who she wants in charge of decisions...who she wants Pete." Leena said tenderly, reaching out to him. He flinched away from the contact and ran a hand down his face. He walked into the living room and knelt in front of Myka.

"Hey Mykes. You okay?"

"mmmffff. Nnnnn" Pete brushed the hair out of her eyes.

"Myka, we're gonna take you to the hospital."

Myka pushed her face into the cushion more, but nodded.

"Myka...is there anything you want...anything you need?"

Myka mumbled something into the couch.

"English, Mykes,"

"Helena."

Pete stood up and walked back into the kitchen.

"Take her to the hospital." He turned to Vanessa "Fix her. Keep her safe. I have to go get something she needs."

Claudia held up her hand for a high five knowing exactly what it was Pete was going to get.

Pete banged on the door. Nothing. He banged three times again, and shouted her name.

This time the door opened.

"Peter, what on earth?"

"Helena. You have to come with me."

"I beg your pardon?"

"It's Myka." Helena was out of the door slamming it behind her before Pete had closed his mouth.

"Fill me in on the way."

In the car Helena worked very hard to not mention the fact that Pete was speeding. She was fairly certain that she would be doing the same, were she the one driving.

"Vanessa said they had to get her into surgery and that...that...um," Pete trailed off hoping that Helena would realise where he would be going with that sentence if her were able to finish that sentence.

"Was she conscious?" Helena asked, gripping the door handle harder as Pete sped around a corner.

"She was. She...She asked for you."

Helena felt a smile spread across her face involuntarily. She would have done the same thing.

Pete pulled into the hospital car park and the two of them hurried into the foyer. Pete's Farnsworth started ringing before he had a chance to ask the woman behind the desk where Myka was.

"I was tracking your car. Fourth floor, i'll meet you at the elevators." Claudia said before signing off.

"Righty-ho then. Shall we?" Helena asked walking towards the elevators.

Upstairs Claudia grabbed hold of Helena's hand and pulled her close. Claudia stood on tiptoe and whispered into Helena's ear,

"If you're here, you're here for good. You can't leave her again." Helena swallowed and nodded.

"Where is she?" Pete asked

"Still in surgery," Artie said, "It'll be a while yet. Vanessa seems...less concerned now though."

Helena sat down beside Artie and took deep breaths. She hadn't been there. She had thought she had more time. She had allowed herself to envision being with Myka all throughout her labour. About being there the first time Myka held her baby, and instead she was waiting in a dingy little room with her...what was Myka to her now? Not her girlfriend anymore, not her fiancé which is, to be perfectly honest and to allow her Victorian ways to resurface, what she had hoped Myka would be before the baby was born. Myka was her...her love. Simple. Myka was the person she loved more than life itself.

So now, she was sitting in a dingy little waiting room, with her love's family...perhaps her family again, and waiting was all she could do.


	9. Chapter 9

As Myka slowly opened her eyes and became aware of her surroundings she could hear a voice. A British voice; mumbling in the background. Myka opened her eyes completely then, and Helena came into view. Slowly wandering around her hospital room; Whispering. She was holding the baby, _her baby_ Myka smiled. Helena was rocking him and whispering to him - settling him while his mother slept. Myka's heart melted a little bit, Helena looked so at ease, so perfect, _so _beautiful.

Helena's head turned a little and she met Myka's eyes. They smiled at one another.

"Oh." She said, "Look at that little one, your Mummy's awake. Would you like to say hello?" Helena walked towards Myka and very carefully placed the bundle of blankets that she had been carrying into Myka's arms.

Myka looked down at her son's face. She felt Helena move away and caught her wrist.

"Are you staying?" she asked not looking away from the baby

"I..I think I would like to, yes. If you'll have me back?"

"We'll always have you," She said to the baby, "This little man's going to need his mama _and_ his mummy. Aren't you?"

Helena's breath hitched in her throat.

"Really?"

"Really...as long as you go get me some coffee" Myka joked.

"You are lucky that you are you holding my son. I don't normally take those kind of orders from anyone."

"_Our _son." Myka said, still not once, looking up from the baby.

Helena smiled,  
"our son," She repeated, testing it out on her tongue, "You're still getting decaf." She said as she left the room.

When Helena came back with Myka's coffee she sat on the end of the bed. Myka rolled her eyes at her and moved towards the edge of the bed a little more.

"Come here." She said

Helena rolled her eyes but moved quickly to settle beside Myka, a little bit behind her so that she could wrap an arm around Myka and she could lean back into her chest.

"He's perfect." Myka breathed.

"He rather is, isn't he?" Helena said running a finger on the hand that was not around Myka, up and down the blanket covering the baby's legs.

"Myka?" Helena asked softly,

"Mmm?"

"Does he have a name?"

"Oh. Um...I think...I think its Nathaniel."

"Nathaniel Bering...I think it suits him."

"No." Myka said, finally turning to Helena, "Nathanial Bering-Wells."

Helena couldn't help herself then. She leant in and kissed Myka's cheek. Myka smiled, and raised her eyebrows,

"He's asleep you know, you could kiss me properly." Myka laughed and was cut off by Helena's lips, firm and warm and loving against her own.  
Helena didn't want to move. She finally felt at home. The woman she loved, their child...their son. She'd never had a son before, this would be interesting. Something caught Helena, both mentally and physically. Nathaniel had apparently woken, he was grasping onto the ends of her hair.  
Helena pulled away from Myka to reclaim her hair.

"Well, he's definitely _your _son," Helena said smiling, "The obsession with my hair must be a family trait."

"Well it is magnificent. You can't really blame him." Myka said, replacing Helena's hair with her finger.

"Did you know?" Helena asked,

"Did I know what?"

"Did you know that you were...that he was going to be a he? When you came to see me. When you told me that it wouldn't be the same." Helena had to ask.

Myka smiled, "Only you would pick up on that. I love you for that."

"And I love you for saying things that only I will pick up on."

Myka settled herself back into Helena's chest, Nathaniel resting on one of her arms, the fingers of the other hand now tangled with Helena's.

"Don't leave me again." Myka whispered.

"Never." Helena pressed a kiss to Myka's forehead and held her as she fell back to sleep.


End file.
